Being perfect doesn’t exist, my friend.
So I thought it would be fun (at least for me) to post about a mindset topic that has been on my mind based solely on my experiences or the experiences of those around me.
I know, this probably isn’t going to be great in the search engines’ eyes but when you focus on a topic as complicated as self-love and personal growth, I think being vulnerable is important.
But it still has one main purpose, to help you feel a little less alone… that we all have these thoughts circling around in our heads.
So let’s dive into the very complicated topic of perfectionism.
I would never consider myself perfect. I make mistakes, I overthink EVERYTHING and I repress my feelings until I’m ready to bust so it was surprising to me when my younger sister was upset because of the pressure of living up to what my twin sister and I have done.
“Alicia and Alexa are so perfect,” is what she said while struggling to figure out what to do with her life (which at 20 years old is a BIG ask). I could go on and on about the pressure that we have to pick our lifelong passion at such a young age and how it is ridiculous but I digress.
But that statement kinda threw me off guard because there hasn’t been a day in my life where I thought I was perfect.
I could have always done that Reel on Instagram better or spoken more eloquently in that interview.
The coulda, shoulda, woulda predicament.
Now I think it is important to reflect because success leaves clues. However, you have to be careful to not beat yourself up. You can learn from your past experiences but then move on.
Accept who you are and how amazing you are. You’re going to mess up. Someone is always going to be ‘better than you’ but you’ll be better than them at something.
We all have unique skills and natural-born talents.
The sooner we accept that competing against each other and chasing perfectionism is just robbing us from happiness the sooner we can truly start living our best life. Whatever that means for you, because it will look different for everyone.
The comparison game
Now perfectionism was born from us comparing ourselves to others. Who has the biggest house, and who makes the most money.
There’s a reason why materialism is so sought after. It is a societal norm to want the biggest and best of everything so it is a hard thing to fight. After all, it is human nature to fit in, to be the best, the strongest, etc.
However, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all supported each other instead of tearing each other down? To celebrate others’ wins without that little voice telling you that YOU have to be better, smarter, prettier.
That well-known saying to stay in your own lane? That’s where you find fulfillment and happiness. Once you stop focusing outwards and start looking inwards, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you can find your passion and figure out your true potential.
And while I don’t think we’ll ever get off the comparison hamster wheel, I have a few tips on how to accept your imperfect self.
5 Tips to Stop Chasing Perfectionism and Find your True Self
1. Practice Gratitude
Yeah, yeah. I know I’ve talked about gratitude a decent amount but it really does make the world seem like a better place. See, when we take the time to intentionally think about everything we’re thankful for, it forces us to stop looking for the next best thing.
If you realize you have what you were wishing for 5 years ago, you’re going to feel better. Then the next time, you stumble over your sentences in a meeting, you’ll realize that it isn’t the end of the world. There were other parts of your day that were good.
It is one of the simplest ways to build resilience because you’ll have the motivation to get back up and try again. Here are some gratitude prompts if you need some inspiration.
2. Just start
I have been caught up in analysis paralysis so many times, especially when it comes to putting myself out there on the world wide web. Let’s wait to write this blog post until it’s perfect. Wow, my lipsyncing skills are terrible on this reel. Is this call of action clear enough? The list goes on and on.
And you know what? You’re going to suck at first. You’re a beginner. It’s normal.
But you have to start to get better.
Just like when you start a new job. That on-the-job training is SO much more helpful than that boring training video. Why? Because you’ll mess up or get stuck and then you learn from it.
It is all about doing my friends.
3. Shadow Work
Now, this is something I honestly need to dive into more but it is all about facing your limiting beliefs and the parts of you you don’t like head-on.
You know, good old journaling (or even meditating). If you take the time to explore these parts of you then you can accept them and move on.
Shadow work journal prompts are a great place to start if you want to give it a try. What do you have to lose after all?
If you learn to love yourself unconditionally then you won’t be so hard on yourself when you lose or if someone appears to be doing life better. Doing the inner work is crucial is you want to live your best life.
4. Trust the Process
We have to make mistakes to learn and grow. If you never make mistakes, then you are not getting outside your comfort zone.
I wish it wasn’t true, the comfort zone is so cozy after all. It’s where you feel safe and secure. Where you can feel perfect. After all, you know you can brush your teeth or cook your signature dish.
But trying out a new recipe? What if you burn it and it’s awful?
Which, let’s be real COULD happen. Especially me because I’m no chef. It’s part of life but you know what?
Try again. Your second attempt is going to be better than your first because you learned from your mistakes. Maybe you should put a timer on instead of just making a mental note then getting lost in the Tik Tok rabbit hole.
Beyond shadow work, it helps to focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Now, I know if you’re trying to get over your shyness or your fear of public speaking, it is easy to compare yourself to someone who seems like they have it all together.
This is where you have to really buckle down and focus on staying in your own line.
We are all evolving and learning. No one is good at everything. Everything you see on social media is their perfectly curated view of their life. They aren’t sharing the messy things unless they have a lesson they can give you.
5. Give out compliments
Sometimes people need to hear that they are doing a good job. This is something that my fiance, Rob, and I have been working on.
Me saying thank you for him cooking dinner and him thanking me for cleaning up. It’s part of our normal everyday routine but it is so easy to feel underappreciated.
We live in a world where it’s all about the hustle and grind so everyone has a million things on their plate. People like to know they’re doing a good job.
It never hurts to tell someone that they are crushing it.
So friends, while the chase for perfectionism is still very much real. I encourage you to take intentional steps to stop comparing yourself to others.
Because what is perfect to me, may not be perfect to you so it is an arbitrary ideal anyways. You’ll never be perfect, and that’s okay!
That’s what makes us all human.
30 Self-Care Challenge
Self care is a great place to start on your personal growth journey. Taking the time to take care of yourself is proof that your needs and wants matter and should be met. If you’re struggling to find the perfect self care ritual for you, try this 30 self care challenge.
For 30 days, you’ll be given 30 different prompts so you can get out of your comfort zone and start trying new things.
Not ready for a challenge? Check out this post on 52 free self care ideas.
So let me know what you think about these heart-to-hearts. One of the things I love about content creation is being able to connect with others and we can work through this crazy thing called life together.
I’m here for you.
Until next time,
- Gratitude Challenge: 30 days of thankfulness to get you started
- The Best Self Care Planner: A Guide to Recharging Your Body, Mind, and Emotions
- 11 Tips on How to Carry Yourself with Confidence
- Simple Ways to Romanticize your Life