Use these tips to say goodbye to your inner critic
Let’s take a minute to think about the people who aren’t nice to you.
Are you on that list?
Would you say that you are on the top of that list for being the meanest to yourself?
I’ve had my fair share of bullies and haters over the years but there came a point where I realize I was the biggest bully of them all to myself.
Which made me become a shy person who thought people-pleasing was the way to go because I honestly didn’t think very highly of myself. So I needed that external validation which I know now isn’t the way to go.
I use to be SO hard on myself. I would hold myself to this high standard, which was impossible to reach by the way, and if I made one mistake I was so mean. Then, I would spiral and go into myself about how awful or inadequate I was.
I would say things to myself that I would NEVER say to anyone else, let alone someone I cared about. I had completely different standards for myself than anyone else in my life. If they did it, it was fine, they’re human but if I did it? Oh no, it was bad.
Talk about a hit to your self-confidence.
After all, how am I supported to believe that I am worthy and that I’m awesome if I’m criticizing every step I take?
I could go on and on about the importance of self-love but one of the first steps to take to love yourself more and have the confidence you desire is to say nicer things to yourself.
Because words matter. Just like I hope these words will help you in some way, what you say inside your head has a HUGE impact.
After all, if you have a running script where you’re just criticizing yourself all day long, it’s going to be hard to feel good. Don’t you agree?
Stop fueling your inner critic with the idea of perfectionism
My confidence really started to take a turn once I gave up the notion that I had to be perfect. Instead, I gave into the idea that making mistakes is part of being human.
Which it is but it was hard to convince myself at first.
So I looked at it like this. If I don’t make any mistakes, I’m not learning or growing. I was going to be stuck exactly where I was forever which was something I didn’t want.
I wanted to soar to new levels, travel to new places, and meet new people and to do all this, I was going to mess up. It’s just part of life. I’m going to pick bad restaurants or say the wrong thing and that’s okay.
Because then I know I’m getting better each day and becoming an even better version of myself which is pretty cool.
giving up perfectionism is far from easy.
After all, it comes from a place of fear. The reason for being perfect is to avoid being judged in a negative light, right?
But the ironic thing is if you’re trying to be perfect, your inner critic can really dig into this.
It’s SO easy to criticize yourself if you’re trying to be perfect. Because perfection doesn’t exist. It’s subjective.
I may believe that my blog is the best confidence blog out there but you may think that someone else has a better one, and that’s okay.
It’s like how I love cheese and other people don’t. It’s all about personal preference which makes being human so much fun.
We’re unique, no one is quite like you which is pretty awesome.
So you might as well give up trying to be perfect because someone is going to judge you. It might as well be someone else and not you because the only person’s opinion that truly matters is yours.
If you are okay with messing up, trust me, you’re going to be happier and that inner critic is going to get quieter.
7 ways to say BUH-BYE to that inner mean girl
So for any of the below tips to work, you have to give up this belief that you can’t make mistakes and that everyone is going to like you.
Neither is true and that’s okay.
So right now, make a pact with yourself to give yourself some grace and accept the things you cannot change.
Because change is never easy and if you want to stop that negative self-talk, you’re going to have to realize that messing up is normal and a part of life. So take a deep breath and let’s get started.
1. Name your inner mean girl and call her out on her bs
This may sound silly but hear me out.
If you give your inner mean girl a name then you can call her out when she’s being a b!tch (excuse my language). It gets you out of your own head and makes the situation a little lighter.
To be like, “Oh there’s Bianca making up all these rumors again.”
It is kinda silly. But this really helped me because it made me laugh and realize that I am in charge of my own thoughts so I can tell her to kindly take her opinion elsewhere.
It takes the pressure off of trying to be perfect and it brings awareness to the thought which is super important when you’re intentionally trying to shift to more positive self-talk.
So don’t spend too much time on this step, the first name that comes to mind is your inner mean girl. It can even be Regina George or another villain from your favorite show or movie.
It can literally be whatever you want so don’t overthink it 🙂
2. Find out the underlying reason WHY you’re self-conscious about it
Self-awareness is key when you’re trying to overcome a mindset block or a limiting belief. These are usually negative thoughts that your inner critic throws into your face when things don’t go as planned.
If you build up your self-awareness and are able to identify your triggers and what makes you self-conscious, then you can work on confronting them. Otherwise, you’re just wandering around aimlessly with no direction.
So take some time to journal and ask yourself, why are you talking down to yourself? Why does this bother you?
Is it an experience from your past that turned out not quite like you planned? Is it something from your childhood that you’ve been holding onto? Was it something a bully said to you in 4th grade?
Now is the time to dig deep to find out the reasons why. This can be so powerful and a huge weight off your shoulders because oftentimes we don’t take the time to challenge these thoughts or where they are coming from.
3. Forgive yourself
Speaking of your past, are there things that you are holding on to? This was something I’ve struggled with throughout my life. I would replay scenarios in my head and figure out how I could have said it better or I could have acted differently.
The whole coulda, shoulda, woulda spiral.
And yes, we learn from our mistakes but you have to be careful not to beat yourself up over it. To come from a place of growth and not a place of shame.
Because we all make mistakes. There are going to be plenty of times when you could have done it better but the same goes for everyone else.
Remember, nobody’s perfect.
It’s time to forgive yourself and let it go. Take another deep breath and move on.
Start to accept the things you cannot change and let go of your past mistakes.
4. Reframe your negative thoughts into more neutral ones
When you’re starting to confront your inner critic, it may not be that helpful to reframe the negative things she’s saying into positive ones right away.
Because you don’t believe it yet. Keyword is yet.
Sometimes faking it until you make it isn’t the best approach. Because if you’re just going through the motions, it’s not going to have the impact that you want.
So instead of changing the negative thoughts into positive ones, try to change them to neutral ones.
Look for the facts and come from a factual place at first. Our minds can’t tell the difference between what we make up in our heads and what actually happened so it is important to check in with yourself every once in a while.
To do this, look for evidence that what you’re telling yourself is true. Disprove your inner critic and come from a place of observing in this stage.
Once you start believing that neutral thought then you want to reframe it into a positive one.
Because it is all about those baby steps.
5. Take a moment to think about what you’re grateful for
Gratitude is so underrated because if you take the time to do it, it is really powerful and anyone can do it. No matter where you are on your personal growth journey, you can start by being grateful.
If you want to have a more positive outlook on life, write down the things that you are thankful for. I like thinking of the things I’m grateful for from the day before because sometimes I really have to think about it but I always find something.
It is easy to get stuck in the comparison game and the whole woe is me but once you take a step back and see all the great things you have going, things seem a little brighter.
Your inner critic is going to have less of an impact because you know you are awesome and that your life isn’t so bad.
6. List out all of your accomplishments
If you’re an ambitious woman, it’s easy to get stuck in this thought that you’re behind or you aren’t doing enough but you are.
You’ve done a lot of great things in your life so far. Sometimes it is hard to see especially if you’ve been short on reaching some of those crazy dreams of yours.
So write down all your accomplishments and keep them handy for those bad days. Include small, big, and everything in between accomplishments.
I’ve gotten caught up in the thought that I haven’t accomplished much until I sat down and did this exercise because then I realized there were A LOT of things.
I graduated with honors from college, I climbed Rainbow Mountain (which was the hardest hike of my life), I bought a house, I’m getting married, I’ve been consistent with my workout routine, I’ve built an email list, people actually read my blog and so much more.
There are so many things if you take the time to think about it.
I actually started looking at this list every day during my morning routine and it has helped me feel that much more empowered.
7. Stay in your own lane
And lastly, focus on yourself. Don’t look at the person next to you and compared yourself. That will give your inner critic something to complain about.
Remember everyone is putting their best foot forward. Making sure they’re posed correctly, their smile wasn’t weird or they only post when they’re doing something out of the ordinary like traveling or bragging about their loved ones.
They’re not posting about the ordinary days when their hair is crazy frizzy, or when it was so hot on vacation they sweated through their shirt.
They’re posting the highs but they’re experiencing so much more than that, just like you. It’s part of the human experience.
Everyone is on their own journey and will take different paths.
So please don’t compare yourself to someone’s perfectly curated social media page or even their journey. It’s like apples and oranges.
Now let’s get to work.
I created the below silencing your inner critic workbook aimed towards introverts so that you can start doing the inner work to get her to shush.
Because quiet people can do extraordinary things. We are the creative, thoughtful people who make major discoveries and strides throughout history (Einstein, Rosa Parks, Bill Gates, and Oprah are all introverts to name a few).
So don’t let being introverted hold you back from making massive waves. There is power in being quietly confident.
While confronting your inner mean girl isn’t easy, it is definitely worth it. That mean girl inside your head is ruining your life but you have the power to stop her.
To get her to be quiet for a few minutes so you can hear yourself think and make a massive impact.
Remember, it’s all about being 1% better each day so don’t stress it if you let your inner critic win in a moment of weakness. Just get back up and try again. Journal about and try to discover what went wrong. What is the underlying reason for that limiting belief?
It’s going to make you that much stronger.
Once you can overcome these thoughts, your confidence is going to soar.
until next time,
More Posts on Self-love
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- 52 Self-Love Questions to ask yourself to live your best life