61 questions to ask yourself to take your confidence to new levels

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Looking for ways to improve your self-confidence? Check out these 61 questions to increase your level of confidence.

We all know that one girl.

She walks into a room and new people instantly flock to her. She always says the right thing and she just radiates this unshakeable confidence that we all admire and wish we could have for ourselves.

If this isn’t you, that’s okay. This was never me either. I was always the shy girl who was hiding her true self from the world. Afraid that if people found out her quirks, they would not like her anymore.

So how do we get that? In order to have long-lasting, sustainable confidence, it starts with getting rid of some false assumptions and beliefs that we have about confidence.

Because if we’re being honest, no one is “normal”. Everyone has their quirks. We just live in a society where people can have perfectly curated content and only show you parts of them that appear “normal”.

But what is the fun in that? If everyone was the same, life would be boring. Once you can embrace who you are, that is where life truly begins. (cheesy, I know but it’s true). If you don’t have to worry about hiding parts of yourself then a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders.

I am much more confident now. I have to admit some of it comes with age unfortunately but I truly started making big strides when I started focusing on my personal development.

What is self-confidence?

A confident person is not…

  • Thinking you’re better than someone else
  • Only surface level or “skin deep”
  • Being boastful or bragging
  • Approval from others or needing validation from others in order to feel good about yourself
  • Something you’re born with (unlike popular belief)

So what is confidence?

Confidence is having faith in your abilities, knowing your worth, and being able to walk into any situation feeling calm and collected. It’s being secure in who you are as a person without needing anyone’s approval.

Having self-confidence allows you to pursue your dreams and achieve your goals because you believe in yourself wholeheartedly.

Here are some benefits of having a strong sense of self-confidence

  • You’re more likely to take risks and seize opportunities because you aren’t held back by self-doubt
  • People are naturally drawn to confident individuals because they tend to be more successful, happy, and positive overall
  • You project an image of success which often leads to actual success because people will believe in your ability to achieve great things
  • Confident people tend not to compare themselves to others as much because they focus on their own journey

Self-confidence comes from within. It is not something that can be given to you by someone else or faked until it becomes real.

Tips when building self-confidence

There are definitely ways that you can develop a stronger sense of self-confidence. There are ways to carry yourself with confidence. A few key things include:

Define what success looks like for you

so often we compare our own success (or lack thereof) to other people’s standards which can set us up for feelings of inadequacy.

Instead, think about what success looks like for *you* specifically. This could be anything from getting a promotion at work, graduating college, developing healthier habits, etc.

Once you have a better understanding of what success looks like for *you*, it becomes easier to measure your progress and give yourself credit where it’s due which leads to increased confidence over time.

Talk kindly to yourself

What you say to yourself matters! If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

Be gentle, understanding, and encouraging with yourself especially when you make a mistake or fall short of your goal. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone who is going through a tough time–with empathy, compassion, and without judgment.

Update your inner monologue on a regular basis and soon enough it will become second nature! A good tactic is to incorporate positive affirmations into your everyday life.

Positive affirmations is a great way to start talking more positively to yourself and to start getting rid of those limiting beliefs. What you say to yourself truly matters so if you write affirmations that are relatable to your life and focused on improving your lack of self-confidence, it can help you feel better about yourself overtime.

Set realistic standards

If your expectations are too high, then it’ll be difficult (if not impossible) to meet them which will only lead to disappointment and more self-doubt.

On the other hand, if your standards are too low then it’ll be difficult to have a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction

you have to find a happy medium where your expectations challenge but don’t overwhelm you so that meeting them feels attainable and satisfying.

1% better every day

You aren’t going to wake up one day and feel confident. It’s those small changes on a daily basis that have a profound effect. When you realize that confidence is a spectrum. Confidence is going to ebb and flow and that’s okay.

The point is to focus on becoming a little more confident every day. What can you do today that will make you feel more confident tomorrow? Spend some time every day doing something outside your comfort zone.

It could be a small step such as making a phone call you’re avoiding or as big as standing up to your boss about that promotion you deserve.

The more you try new things, the easier it will become and you’ll see that you are capable of anything you put your mind to.

61 Questions to ask yourself to build self-confidence

If you’re looking for some ways to improve your lack of confidence, self-reflection is a great place to start. By asking yourself the tough question that has been haunting you, it gives you the opportunity to get those thoughts and feelings out of your head and into the world.

Sometimes if you say something out loud, it takes the weight away from it.

Questions on the Positive Qualities about yourself

One of the best ways to improve your confidence is to remind yourself of how amazing you truly are! A lot of time when you are an ambitious person looking to uplevel in life, you sometimes forget to take a moment and be grateful for where you are right now and all the awesome things you’ve accomplished.

A past version of you would be so proud! Take some time to give yourself a pat on the back and get that positive energy going! It is one of the best ways to give yourself a confidence boost! But if you need some ideas for self-esteem questions, you know I got you 🙂

  1. What are your greatest strengths?
  2. Describe moments where you feel self-sufficient.
  3. What is your favorite part about your body?
  4. What skills and qualities do you have that can help others?
  5. Describe a time when you truly felt like a bad a$$
  6. Describe a challenging time in your life when you were able to put int he hard work and beat all odds
  7. What is the hardest thing that you have had to overcome?
  8. When did you positively impact someone else’s life?
  9. What are your best personality traits?
  10. What are your biggest accomplishments?
  11. What are you most excited about right now?
  12. Describe how you are successful
  13. What are your hobbies?
  14. Are you good at something that you think isn’t a big deal?
  15. List any favorite confidence-boosting songs 
  16. List any favorite confidence-boosting podcasts

Questions about who you are

Another aspect of confidence is knowing who you are. Once you realize what your core values and beliefs are and truly believe them then you will feel much more confident when making decisions or standing up for what you believe in.

Sometimes we lack confidence because we aren’t clear on what we believe and we let other people’s opinions influence our own. But if we’re able to build our own self-confidence, then it doesn’t matter what others think.

  1. What are your values and core beliefs? What kind of person do you want to be?
  2. What activities make you feel fulfilled where you lose track of time?
  3. How would you describe having a healthy level of self-esteem?
  4. What are some things that currently make you feel uncomfortable? Why?
  5. What does success mean to you?
  6. What qualities would you consider makes a good friend/sister/daughter/spouse/etc.?
  7. What is your purpose or passion in life? 
  8. When do you feel the most alive? Why? 

Questions about your Surroundings

Our surroundings have a huge impact on us! Have you heard the theory that you are the combination of the three people you spend the most time with?

With that being said, it is important to evaluate the relationships in your life. Are they serving you? Make sure that you spend time with people and hobbies that are in line with your dream life and what you are chasing. Real friends aren’t going to bring you down our make you question your own self confidence. They are there to lift you up so here are some questions to ask yourself about the person around you.

  1. Who are the positive people in your life?
  2. Who are the negative people in your life?
  3. When does other people’s opinion matter to you? 
  4. Is there anyone in your life that makes you believe that your limiting beliefs are true? 
  5. When do you currently set boundaries in your relationships? How does that make you feel?
  6. Describe a person/people that makes you feel true unconditional love. Why?
  7. Who are some of your role models? Why?
  8. What compliments do you receive from others?

Lets Determine where your confidence is now

Before you determine where you need to go, a good idea is to check in with yourself and see where you are right now. It can make it easier to set goals and gain clarity on what areas of your life need the most attention if you are going to increase your confidence.

  1. Do you practice positive self-talk or negative self-talk the majority of the time? How is this affecting your confidence levels?
  2. Are there any traumatic experiences from your past that can turn into positive life lessons? 
  3. Are you setting healthy boundaries? Name some. 
  4. In what instances do you feel the most self-doubt? 
  5. How do the opinions of others affect you?
  6. How do you respond to criticism?
  7. How have you grown over the past 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?
  8. Describe some obstacles that you have overcome that you are proud of. 
  9. What does self-confidence look like to you?
  10. Who do you know that has the type of confidence that you would like to have?
  11. What areas of your life do you currently feel confident and secure about? 
  12. What areas do you feel could use some improvement?
  13. How would your life be different if you had all the confidence in the world?
  14. Imagine how your life could change in 6 months, a year if you worked on your self-confidence. Write a letter to future you, thanking them for having the courage to work on your confidence!

Questions about your Negative and Self-Limiting Beliefs

Ahh, those pesky limiting beliefs. Everyone has them but it is important to put in the work to disprove some of them. If you do the work, you may realize that the limiting belief that has haunted you your whole life is simply not true.

A great way to rewrite your limiting beliefs is to not try to immediately jump from a negative thought to a positive thought. Instead, change it into a neutral thought that has no weight to it. Once you do that, you’ll believe that the negative thought isn’t true and be able to think of it in a more positive light.

  1. Create a list of all of your limiting beliefs.
  2. What negative thoughts come up the most?
  3. How often do you doubt yourself in your professional and personal life?
  4. Do you hold yourself back from opportunities because of fear of failure? Why do you think that is?
  5. What negative beliefs do you tell yourself about the way you look? 
  6. What limiting beliefs do you tell yourself about your abilities to do anything? 
  7. Describe moments in your life where you felt “not good enough”? Why?
  8. Do you remember the first time you felt insecure, embarrassed, less than? Why did those feelings surface?
  9. Was it really true the last time you said “I can’t”. Did you try?
  10. Are there any instances where someone was giving you feedback and it really stung? Why do you think you took it personally?
  11. Are there any past traumas that are still holding you back? What are you afraid of?
  12. What makes you feel anxious, nervous, uncomfortable, etc?
  13. Think of instances where you have compared yourself to others (social comparison) while beating yourself up in the process. How was that counterproductive? 
  14.  What’s the biggest threat to your confidence? 
  15. Pick one limiting belief and determine how you can challenge it today. Prove yourself wrong by showing yourself that it isn’t true! 

Confidence is everything

Confidence is an essential part of living a happy and fulfilling life but so often we let false beliefs about confidence hold us back from achieving great things. Building confidence is something that everyone should work on. It’ll make you a better person when your self esteem issues are gone and you are no longer trying to beat someone or be better than another.

Talk kindly to yourself, set realistic standards, and focus on YOUR definition of success.

Do these things consistently over time and soon you’ll see a noticeable difference in your overall confidence levels!

Until next time,


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61 Questions to ask yourself to build your confidence to new levels

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