How to build more social confidence – quiet girl Addition

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How to feel more confident during social events when you’re naturally quiet 

Does the idea of walking up to a stranger and talking to them sound crazy? 

I know, why would anyone do that? I always felt so awkward. So don’t feel alone, there are many people that struggle with this. 

I know this struggle all too well. After all, social events were never my forte. Especially if I didn’t know anyone. Honestly, even if I knew someone, I never felt like my voice would be heard since I’m naturally soft-spoken. This feeling felt stronger when there was a large crowd of people who could speak way louder than I could. 

It felt like I was meant to be a wallflower. Someone who just stood on the sidelines and waited for someone to notice them. 

Then I realized that I just lacked social confidence. 

That I could speak louder than I thought and that people did wanna hear what I had to say. I just needed to build up my social skills a little bit more.

Because even though I was around conversations and social events my whole life, I was still a beginner. I didn’t feel confident enough to start conversations or that I could even hold an engaging one. 

But then  I realized I haven’t really tried. I just sat back and listened.

So I had all the knowledge to hold insightful conversations and I knew what worked and what didn’t, I just didn’t practice much. However, practice is a huge part of the puzzle if you want to get better at socializing. 

Building social confidence isn’t something that is necessarily fun. You feel awkward at first and out of place. You may even trip over your words but that’s okay.

It’s all part of the process. 

Take it from someone who used to label herself as socially awkward, you can change that. Here are some of the things I did to change that.

10 ways to build confidence when interacting with others.

1. What style of communication do you actually like?

Do you like one on one conversations or speaking to a group of people? There has to be something that feels more comfortable to you so lean into that when possible. 

What do you specifically like about this style of communication? Is there something from this style that you can incorporate into the other forms of communication?

Taking the time to build the self-awareness to know what you like is huge. Then you can work on discovering why you feel this way and then you’re able to lean into those strengths. 

2. What social interaction do you avoid? 

Even if you don’t like interacting with people at all, there must be one type of communication that you hate more than the others. 

Try to figure out WHY this social interaction makes you cringe. Do you stumble over your words or don’t know what to say? Awareness is KEY since then you can create a plan to become better at it.

You may even discover a past trauma that caused this to surface in the first place.

 Maybe you were bullied in middle school for sharing your thoughts about how cool space is or what your favorite shirt was. 

There’s a reason why you have a fear of judgment when it comes to interacting with others. 

3. Make it about them

Generally, people like to talk about themselves. If you ask them about themselves, they will most likely respond positively. Even someone who doesn’t necessarily like to open up wants that human connection. It is part of being human after all. 

Anyways, people don’t care about you as much as you think they do. Sure, you have loved ones that care about you as a person and what you’re up to but most people are worried about themselves and getting everything done on their to-do list.

They aren’t worried about what you’re posting about or what you’re doing with your life. 

4. Incorporate a self-care routine. 

Social interactions can be exhausting. It’s a lot of work to listen to someone and be able to form coherent sentences after all. 

It drains everyone. Yes, even people who seem to thrive at parties. 

But having a self-care routine that lights you up and makes you feel good is going to be a game-changer. Remember, you deserve to be taken care of and you deserve time to yourself. 

Self-care doesn’t have to be this long drawn-out thing. You can spend 5 minutes journaling, meditating, or even dancing before a party to get yourself in the right headspace. 

It’s better than nothing and preparation is key to anything in life. 

5. Lean into your strengths

As an introvert, I’m naturally observant so it can be helpful to observe other people interacting as you want to and gain inspiration from them.

What are they talking about? What are their nonverbal cues? This can all be helpful in gaining more confidence in social situations. It’s like having a roadmap. 

We aren’t reinventing the wheel here so you don’t have to get creative. The saying that success leaves clues is very true.

But let’s say that you’re good at remembering fun facts. These can be great conversation starters. 

Or maybe you’re great at making people feel really seen. Lean into that and spend a lot of time listening and letting them talk. 

Leaning into these strengths can be really helpful.

6. Practice

I know, this one you probably don’t want to hear but practice truly does make it easier. You’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone and try to interact with people.

I can almost guarantee that you’re going to feel awkward. You may even fail in your mind but a great teacher once taught me that failing is just your first attempt at learning.

If you fail then you can learn from it and try a different technique next time. One that is going to work better. 

Learning to effectively communicate is huge. It is going to help you build deeper connections and be able to build the relationships that you desire.

If you’re really nervous about starting conversations, you can even create some conversation starters before you get there so you’re more prepared. This is especially helpful if you’re someone like me whose mind seems to go blank when they are put on the spot. 

7. Trust yourself

At the end of the day, you do know how to talk to people. You just don’t feel confident enough to put yourself out there and share your thoughts.

It may come from a fear of rejection or judgment. From being bullied as a kid. Someone thinks your interests are boring. Even being rejected by a potential romantic partner can make you feel like something is wrong with you. Which isn’t true, by the way. 

We’re all unique individuals and if you can build the confidence to not conform to society, you’re already more confident than most people. 

An interesting fact from Brendan Burchard is that an average of 7 people have rejected you in a way that changed your identity. 

Just 7 out of all the interactions you’ve ever had in your life. There are far more interactions that had a positive impact on your identity than there are negative ones.

So be confident in who you are and that rejection is just part of life. Especially if you’re ambitious and want to build your dream life. 

Believe that you’re an interesting person who deserves to be heard. That your thoughts matter. 

No one has your perspective or life experiences so it is interesting to hear about!

8. Body Language

Body language is huge when it comes to socializing and feeling confident. 

Things like standing tall, smiling, and taking up space can instantly make you feel more confident. 

Now, I’m not one of those annoying people that are saying that you should smile all the time. We are humans who feel a ton of different emotions but smiling does help people feel at ease.

Even a half smile will take away that resting b!tch face that some of us have been so lucky to be blessed with. It is an easy way to make you seem more approachable. 

Another way is to have conviction in your movements and gestures. It is going to help you portray a sense of certainty and a sense of purpose. It is going to show others that you’re confident in what you’re saying. 

So speak with authority. Feel confident in what you’re saying and be comfortable with those long pauses. 

9. Find an outgoing buddy

Some people thrive in social situations, so it can be helpful to have an outgoing friend who is in the know of all the social plans. 

Also, if you know someone who is talkative and can talk anyone’s ear off then they can be a great ice breaker. Just make sure you can actually get a word in but sometimes it can be helpful to have someone who you’re comfortable with there with you. 

My fiance is super talkative so I know it is helpful when he starts the conversation and I can just bounce off of it. It helps me warm up a bit before jumping headfirst into the deep end. 

However, tagging along with an extroverted friend is only going to work if you are confident that you can say no and set strong boundaries. Most likely you don’t want to go to every party or social event they’re attending so you have to stand your ground when you don’t feel like it. 

10. Know your limits

This leads me to the last point which is knowing your limits. If you know how much socializing you can handle and what you need to do to recharge those batteries then you can make the most out of the social situations you chose to attend. 

It will help you show up more fully and happier because you actually want to be there. You don’t feel obligated or that you’re going to go and just stand around in the corner wishing you were home. 

If you know your limit then you can plan accordingly and actually thrive in social situations as well.

Final Thoughts

Anyone can thrive in social situations. It just takes practice to learn your unique communication style. 

Because not everyone is going to be blabbing all night and that’s okay. We need both the talker and the listener in society to truly thrive. 

And if you’re naturally quiet, you can be quietly confident and stand your ground. 

Until next time,

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